young, wedded bliss

yes, saturday was the blessed event. audrey and juan are married now - so young! ok, so i was married at 18, but that didn't turn out well - although we're still friends. but audrey and juan are best friends and that's a great start.

i took a LOT of pictures, but the professional photographer's name is alec hilliard and his fb page is here where you can see how the professionals do it: https://www.facebook.com/home.php#!/media/set/?set=a.276971945670337.76556.118993424801524&type=1.

here are some of my more candid unprofessional shots:

audrey in her pre-wedding 'can we get this show on the road' stance:

audrey being escorted to happily-ever-after by her dad (that's the back of her step-mom on the left and her little bro on the right):

newly hitched - mr. and mrs. juan hernandez:

"come this way juan - you must do what i say now":

"you just did WHAT? hahahahahaha":

smooches:

juan getting more smooches from his mom and sisters:

cecily, aud and christina as juan's angels:

audrey's dad and family:

juan and the gorgeous women in his family:

plus the new, additional gorgeous one:

alright, that's all i have for now. the next pic on the roll is of jeff drinking beer at the fair and no one wants to see that.

all in all, the wedding was particularly lovely - juan was/is tall, dark and handsome and audrey was/is radiant.

pics from the reception upcoming on sunday.

happy tears of joy,

tricia

weiners are wonderful . . .

. . . more on that later.

i've been buried the past two weeks with getting myself to the states, dealing with the house and the pets and lots of wedding stuff.

the trip here sucked as expected; 24 hours of cramped, smelly unavoidable contact with the masses of humanity. in my disoriented state in heathrow, i made the mistake of purchasing duty free wine in the wrong terminal. when attempting to clear security in the correct terminal, some little british tart in a manly polyester uniform confiscated my hooch and made me check my carry-on. once settled in to seat 34c in steerage, the screaming 2-year-old 3 rows back attempted to engage me in conversation for the entire 10 and a half hours. flying is fun!! the highlight of my excursion was seeing heidi and tristan's smiling faces at dfw.

last sunday my super-cool friends hosted a bridal shower for the adorable, young audrey.

there was exceptional tex-mex, curiously strong margaritas and panties. people need panties and no bridal shower is complete without them. yes, audrey is wearing a lacy, purple pair on her head.

here, suzan is demonstrating her and joost's sleeping habits - the part of joost is being played by kim olsen. this position is called the 'csp' or 'classic snuggle position'.

monday consisted of a motb-dress-shopping marathon; here's the winner:

friday after jeff arrived - NOT on an equally sucky trip as mine cause he upgraded to first class (@sshole) - we attended a party at chez brownjohn:

not sure if this is too much alcohol, not enough sleep or blinding lights:



hey! its hp's new software developers:

get a room!!

velvet voice:

saturday was audrey and juan's wedding (we call them "juandrey" now). tomorrow, i'll devote the entire blog to that event. but here are two of my favorite pics:

yesterday, jeff and i visited the state fair of texas - which brings us back to the weiner comment. here i'm enjoying my week-long craving of jalapeno, cheese corny dog. and yes, its just as good as it sounds.

more on the fair later this week -- i have a BUNCH of pictures of livestock. farm animals fascinate me.

happy monday everyone,

tricia

if you can't say anything nice . . .

. . . well, you know the saying. i've been chanting that mantra for over a week now; hence the lack of blog posts.

i recently finished reading princess: a true story of life behind the veil. its supposed to be an authentic narrative of a few generations of the saudi royal family. an incredibly shocking tale of a such a rigid, backwards country. one of the passages that really stood out to me is that if you're blonde or blondish, you must be a whore. in higher mathmetical terms, this is called a "logical principle of equivalence". if tricia = blonde and blonde = whore, then tricia = whore. now i completely understand the occasional piercing stares. perhaps i should ditch the hot pants and platform heels.

breaking news: betty white is on fire; if you're a wife beater, you should immediately move to topeka, ks and; rick perry stinks as a debater.

one fact of life that truly disheartens me is when people don't like me.  i know, i know, i can't expect everyone to think i'm fabulous. but when they don't, i just want to know why! i'm a riot (at least in person and not necessarily in this crappy piece of the interweb). i can think of at least three people in texas that completely detest me and there's a co-worker at school who gives me the stink eye every time we cross paths. today (and every wednesday) i had to monitor the kids in detention at school. i'm not much of a disciplinarian -- just ask audrey. and these little teenage wrongdoers could tell that right off the bat. so, they know they're not supposed to talk, use their cellphones, sleep etc. however, they continue to push the envelope. even after i told them to hush 5 times, they prattled on. when one student covertly tried to text her friend, i called her on it. i am now her number one object of hatred. maybe i should take a dale carnegie course or something.

ok, pity party is over. i'm in texas in two days so things are looking up.

i've always been a big proponent of 'if you don't like your life, change it.' i think its time i took my own advice.

merry, happy wednesday,

tricia

motb

audrey's getting married in two weeks and i'm the one freaking out. i want this wedding to be perfect and i'm a bit stressed about it. must be the mother of the bride hormones kicking in or something.

they just showed female nudity on tv; 'invasion of the body snatchers' is on. i can't believe movies in the theater are censored, but not tv. these were definitely '70's boobs too. no implants there.

i'm beginning to think i'm a little high maintenance. we went to dubai last weekend and stayed at the intercon. not as nice as the atlantis, but still pretty spiffy. i was thinking i could really get used to living in a hotel with my own private mini-bar and fresh daily fruit basket.

the reason for our trip to dubai was to buy a lance armstrong branded elliptical machine. cue the donald trump entry music: (that angels singing, harp-playing tune):

this thing is gonna make my butt look 40 again.

all else here is status quo. not much exciting to report - i mean, who wants to hear about my school day anyway. is cooling off a tiny bit - it was only 100 degrees yesterday. i got really excited today when i found a can of rotel tomatoes in lulu's today -- its the small things, you know?

ok; gotta go. i'm boring myself.

love, love, love,

tricia

ellen

cheese and crackers are almost the greatest dinner in the world - second only to m&m's and vodka tonics.

because i'm working in a school, i get freed at 3:30 every day; 3:00 on thursdays (the work-week here is sunday to thursday, which is still taking some getting used to). anyway, because i get home so much earlier than mr. sanders, i get to come home and chill on the couch for a couple of hours (instead of working out or some other stupid type of exercise which would be like admitting that i'm flabby). SO, i've been watching the ellen show. and honestly, i've learned a lot from ms. degeneres. for example: bryce dallas howard is the daughter of opie (or ron howard). and chris pratt is married to anna faris. so show-biz centric. i feel like i'm back in the u.s. kelly clarkson should totally be wearing spanx right now. i love her, but i can see her belly-button through the second-skin dress she's prancing around in.

my co-worker, uber-groovy susan, who i mentioned in my last posting, gave her notice at the school today. she's my only real friend so far at work (the adults in high school can be cliquish too) (and i know that makes me sound lame), and now she's leaving me to the uniformed, needy, small people. i shall die soon without her.

its 7:00pm on (technically) a friday night and mr. sanders is being held hostage at work, or he'd be home by now.

last week a group of people from school bought tickets to the ballet. any sort of live theater or dance production here is rare. there is live theater maybe once a year during the abu dhabi festival and that's about it. jeff and i opted not to go cause we're lazy. but it turns out the people that bought the tickets and attempted to get cultured by muscular, fit people in tutus and tights didn't get to attend either. at the last minute, the sheikh decided he wanted to go with 47 members of his immediate family and commandeered many patrons already-paid-for seats. most of my co-workers were turned away at the door and didn't get a refund. can you say rude royaldy? 

i just broke the giant bedroom curtains, including the rod with my man-arms.

tomorrow, we're off to dubai to buy an elliptical machine for me to hang laundry on.

ttfn,

tricia

ugh

zumba again tonight. i'm convinced the instructor is cracking up inside -- 'aw, look at the old lady trying to have rhythm' (i just realized that 'rhythm' has no vowels).

when did ryan gosling become so hot? maybe a little on the thin side and he's certainly not as handsome as mr. sanders, but he's making a play for 'my list'.

i had m&m's and a vodka tonic for dinner. i think i'll write a junk food diet book. do you think that cancelled out the zumba? i wish i could buy abs of steel at carrefour.

so, give me an opinion on something (i'm sure you people need something to do) -- here's the scenario: i go to a birthday lunch for a person that i've only met one time. i don't like to show up empty handed, but i don't know the person well, so i buy a lucky bamboo and a card and put it in a gift bag. i know a lucky bamboo is not a sephora gift card or a pair of fabulous shoes, but its at least something. during birthday lunch, birthday person opens each and every gift and exclaims happily how lovely everything is -- except for my present. birthday person peeks inside the sparkly, ribbon-be-decked gift bag, smiles and sets bag on the floor, says nothing, then moves onto the next present. was that rude? i personally hate opening presents in front of other people, but when i have to, i make sure the gift-givers think their trinket is the BEST GIFT EVER.

still happy to be working. getting to know the kids' names and faces and all of them (well, most of them) are actually very sweet. they still don't really know i exist yet cause my co-worker susan is pretty groovy, but i'll be infamous soon enough.

i'm stealing this line: "i'm a hugger cause i'm from the south".

missing all my friends state-side though,

tricia

p.s. i'm literally counting down the days until i can hit the 'state fair of texas'. next year i'm going to try to win the best fried food contest with this: new chili-cheese bacon-topped, onion ring-encrusted, battered, tater tot barbecue hot dog. 

epileptic bovine

i went to zumba tonight. miha (the instructor) has changed everything up, so i'm back to square one in that i look like i'm having a spasm when i try to salsa.

speaking of spasms, i fell in the shower yesterday. pulled the shower curtain down with me too. it was an epic moment in my otherwise boring saturday. i guess this is when old age truly begins; when your body pushes you to break a hip.

my letter of disgust was published in the gulf news -- http://gulfnews.com/opinions/letters/letters-september-22-2011-1.871167. i'm still a free woman, so maybe i should push the envelope a bit further next time.

my computer had a bsod today; took me an hour to fix it. where's a good pointy-head when you need one?

jeff's in saudi this week and i'm home alone:

i'm on the hunt for a fabulous posh frock for audrey's wedding and the shopping here bites. its so hard to find something hip and lovely when you're pushing 50. everything is either slutty, sequiny, shiny and made for a 20 year old or looks like something maude would wear. is this not the ugliest dress you've ever seen? this is from a website called http://www.audreysmotherofthebride.com/. hmmm; that's weird. all these dresses are hideous.

why do all the disney characters have perfect eyebrows? i was so bored earlier, i watched 'tangled' and the princely character has better eyebrows than is humanly possible. cartoon or not, disney is setting unattainable expectations for those of us who are 3 dimensional.

its almost my bedtime, so i'm out.

in 3 weeks, i'll be in dallas (again)!

tricia

running is crap

i've decided, yet again, that running is crap. it would be so much more fun if someone was chasing me. at least it would be more exciting and not such drudgery. not that i've actually done any running in the last several days. i just felt like complaining a little.

one of my co-workers is doing a half marathon in november and i've signed up to do the 10k portion of it -- they call it a "fun run". running further than 2 blocks to starbucks is anything but amusing. for the race, maybe i can find someone to pursue me with a baseball bat so i don't wuss out. the race is the "abu dhabi striders half marathon & 10K 2011". i just googled the race and it looks like i'm now old enough to compete with the "masters" age group. i think 'masters' is a poor descriptor. they should call us over-40 runners "the bad knee, wiggly arm, mab brigade" (http://www.urbandictionary.com/define.php?term=MAB&defid=1947478).

what is it with celebrities changing their names to something completely ludicrous? ron artest recently changed his name to 'metta world peace'. and you know, the artist formerly known as prince has that totally moronic symbol thing. i think i'm going to change my name to 'red pineapple of death'.

i haven't taken any recent pictures, so you're stuck with the last pics i took of my smelly bitches in dallas:

 

the gulf news received my letter in response to their asinine op-ed and asked if they could publish it with my name instead of 'anonymously'. i said, 'of course, you senseless twit'.

later my people. we're off to drink.

tricia

9/11

this article was in yesterday's 'gulf news': http://gulfnews.com/opinions/columnists/america-stuck-in-a-time-warp-1.867410.

the views of this presumably non-american really, really piss me off. i'm going to write a response to this op-ed and hopefully they'll publish it. i could be deported soon for voicing my opposition to this insensitive d*ckhead. imho, i feel we (as americans) should be able to grieve as long as we want. not all of us were directly affected by the events of 9/11 (as in losing a loved one), and i'm certainly not trying to speak for everyone; the effects of that day are far-reaching. but, i/we can't unsee those horrific visions. i cry every time i watch one of those specials and not because i knew anyone who perished. but its our tragedy -- and i'll cry if i want to, for as long as i want to. some of the points in this article are akin to saying that the french should buck-up, move on and not remember those at normandy on 'd-day' every year. perk up and stop being sad, you silly frogs. 

i ran today for the 2nd day in a row. my toenails are running scared and will be exiting stage left shortly. 

thursday at work, my bosses brought me a thank you card and flowers -- just for doing my job! now that's a change. they love me, but who doesn't.

alright, i've got to run. going to make suzan's fabulous chocolate cake this afternoon and i need a carton of 'laban' to make it. yes, i think 'laban' sounds terrifically nasty too.

hugs,

tricia

isntreal (as opposed to israel)

just had to share this -- at the school the other day, they kept the tea boy, one of the bus drivers and one of the cleaning people busy ripping every page that said "israel" out of the high school history books. yeah, that's right. just pretend it doesn't exist. next time i go out in public with my shoulders or knees showing, i'm just going to ask that they pretend i'm israel and they can pretend they don't see me.

yesterday i ran a 5k for the first time in over 2 months. today i can barely walk and my knees are wondering what the hell is up.

off to down a bottle of ibuprofen (or as its know here 'brufen').

kisses,

t.

you know you're old when . . .

. . . the word "senior" starts to appear frequently in your spam folder. just saying. apparently, i'm days away from being elderly.

i started my job on sunday as the high school secretary at an american school. i'm trying to recall if i was this annoying when i was 16 (i'm thinking its not even remotely possible). when did kids become so needy? maybe we/they always were -- its 'me, me, me' all the time (they obviously haven't yet realized that its all about me). and the parents are way worse. this particular school is segregated -- boys' classes on one side of the building; girls' on the other. there was an assembly today for the seniors, and the gym in which it was held was divided (almost) in half by a curtain that hung from floor to ceiling. the speaker stood on the stage where he could see and address the kids on both sides of this obnoxious drapery. in keeping with the sexual sequestering, the teens had to depart through different doors -- only to see each other in the courtyard on their way back to class - makes perfect sense. the uae is all about separating the sexes and imho, i believe they think they're solving some sort of problem when they're just creating one for themselves. in the newspapers, there are frequent reported cases of homosexual relationships -- and those participating are imprisoned then deported. perhaps, if they just let people be, they'd save money in the prison system. 

the kardashians are on gma - i really think their 15 seconds of fame should be finished by now.

working is really exhausting - i can't believe how lazy and sedentary i had become. i'm going to pour myself a glass of wine and put my feet up -- right after i've made jeff's dinner and done a load of laundry.

xoxoxo

tricia

dubai revisited

jeff and i are off to dubai again this weekend as he has 4 days off for the eid mubarak holiday. then its back to work -- for both of us! yes, i'm counting down until i start work on sunday. funemployment is over! a couple of days ago, i got up early to take a test-ride on the bus to see what time i'd need to catch it every morning and also make sure i am getting on the right one. i definitely got on the right bus, but started way too late. i went downstairs at 6:49 and waited for 20 minutes before the #52 bus showed up. by that time, i was sweating like a pig (do pigs actually sweat?). and it took almost an hour to get to the school. so i'm going to have to start a bit earlier if i want to be a model employee and not show up late and sweaty every day.

last night we went to vincent's - jeff's favorite cigar bar in the crowne plaza. they've been closed the entire month of ramadan. we had drinks with jeff's co-worker, who i'll call "md". "md" has been happily married for 20ish years and has two kids. he resides here and his family lives back in the states. he travels back to see them about every 3 months. while sipping cocktails last night, he informed jeff and i how difficult it is to rebuff the advances of prostitutes here. in his words: "it's really hard!! they're all so hot!!!" um, ok, mr. douchebag. i wasn't very fond of "md" before, but now i like him even less. who makes that kind of statement?

alright; gotta run. next post i should have pics of dubai. we're going to go to the top of the burj khalifa - the tallest building in the world. hopefully there won't be a sandstorm and the visibility will be good.

missing my pals in the states,

tricia

i'm not dead

ok; so the water slide was not the tallest in the world as it appeared on 'the amazing race' and as i was told by a canadian friend who didn't go down it cause you can't see the bottom. in texas, we have 'hurricane harbor' and they have the 'geronimo' slide that makes the 'leap of faith' at atlantis look like a ride for the knee-biter set. however, nothing can compete with the lush landscape and beautiful scenery at the palms. despite a few little issues (man wearing a tiny, tight, white speedo; valet/rental car problem), our weekend stay there was perfect. we hung out at aquaventure all morning (i forgot how FUN water parks can be!). then we had couples butt-scrubs and massages (complete with disposable underwear), followed by a steak dinner at 'seafire'.

here's a pic of the incredible blown glass statue in the lobby:

when we arrived in our room, the hotel had given us a chocolate box full of chocolates for our anniversary (the box was made of chocolate too - i'm still very excited by this fact -- delicious!):

my gorgeous anniversary gift:

there was a wonderful aquarium there where jeff made a new best friend:

pic of the happy couple (the camera lens wouldn't unfog due to the 96% humidity), so this is the best i could do:

alright; i got nothing else to say, 'cept my job as high school secretary starts in a week! and i'm excited at the possibility of making new friends and money and having a reason to get off the couch.

sleep well peeps,

tricia

TDMATBICPLY

a couple of days ago, i went to the grocery store in far, far away land (marina mall) to buy butter (renee), search for buttermilk and purchase other items in order to make the best cake in the world (thanks suzan!). and as usual, i bought more than i could actually carry (without looking like an ailing hunchback). instead of taking the bus back to the apartment with my perishables, i opted for a taxi. on the way home, the cab driver slammed on the brakes (a very common occurrence) and the eggs went flying into and under the back of his seat -- he's lucky he didn't get beaned with a yolk. i was a little annoyed, but figure in a few days time he'll be sorry and regretful when his floor mats begin emit an offensive smell. the search for buttermilk was fruitless in that i didn't find any and didn't know the arabic word for it -- which is 'laban' (for those if you who might be shopping for buttermilk in the middle east some time soon).

as mentioned in my last post, here are the pics from my 'last supper' in big d:

smiling, sexy southern gals (so happy to see me departing the states):

bill (who looks rather fetching in his dunce (or is it a wizard?) hat and t-man:

some of the gang:

the title of my blog means the following (for anyone who was wondering): 'this doesn't mean a thing but it confuses people like you'. it doesn't really have an intelligent point except it is a lead-in for my boycott against the acronym 'lol'. i think 'lol' doesn't really mean 'laughing out loud' anymore -- i think its what people say when they're tired of texting, talking, emailing, etc. basically, your friends are telling you 'shut up; you're not funny; i'm not laughing (silently or out loud) and i'm done with this moronic conversation'.

tomorrow jeff and i are headed to atlantis (the islands in dubai that are shaped like a palm tree). jeff's plan is to push me off the tallest water slide in the world for our 10th anniversary. there will be photos, so he won't get away with it.

good night pals,

t.

ramadan is the awesomest thing eva!

is that sacreligious? i certainly don't mean it to be. however, i can't imagine what it would be like in the united states if we forced certain customs of a specific religion onto each denizen. perhaps 'forced' is the incorrect descriptor to use. but there are particular aspects of ramadan that can be difficult to circumnavigate. for instance (and this is going to totally sound like i'm whining - which i kind of am) - this morning, i took a leisurely walk (already unbearably hot out at 6:45am) to one of the local neighborhood starbucks only to find it closed with no posting as to what it's ramadan hours are. still craving a frosty caffeinated beverage, i continued on from there to the dunkin' donuts which was also closed, but had a sign informing patrons it would be open at 11am. now, in dire need of some blended coffee and sugar, i walked to costa coffee -- also closed. grumpiness ensued.

if anyone is unfamiliar with the term ramadan, it is the 9th month of the islamic calendar in which participating muslims refrain from eating, drinking, smoking and sex with their partners during daylight hours. so what this means to non-muslims is that starbucks is closed, among other things. actually most businesses are closed from about 1pm until 8pm. also, its disrespectful and one can be arrested for consuming food, drink or gum in public during daylight hours. i truly don't have a problem following this rule, i just need my daily frappuchino fix. in the evening at approximately 7:15, muslims break their fast with a meal called 'iftar' and from what i've been told, consume food until the wee hours of the morning when they subsequently pass out from exhaustion and eating too much fattoush. ramadan concludes at the end of the month and is followed by eid - a festival that marks the culmination of the holy month.

seriously, although i'm not fasting, i'm trying to spend this time reflecting on the good in my life (audrey, jeff, friends, fame, fortune :-)).

ok, rant over. back to random, snarky comments about whatever pops into my head.

btw, i got a job today! yep, i applied for a secretarial position at an international school and the principal pretty much hired me on the spot -- i start on 9/4. now i have a purpose! i'm counting down to the end of my lady of leisure hours by putting in more time lying about in my fat pants.

i have a whole lot more to talk about, and pics of my last night in dallas to post, but right now, 'bachelor pad 2' beckons on my slingbox.

cheers,

no-longer-a-laundress tricia

pit-fat

i was going to get up this morning and do push ups, but I forgot. exercise is such an important start to the day -- someone else's day perhaps, but not mine. as i was glancing at my side view in the mirror multiple times today (and wondering when the flab started to nest in new places), i pondered on when my arms started to get so meaty. wonder if plastic surgeons do something like a "beefy arm tuck" or a "general area pit-suck".

last night i hung out (at "asian mint" - yum!) with some old friends from centex homes (the friends aren't old; centex is - centex is dead actually, but that's another story). these are my friends who taught me how to handle a weapon (which is not a secret code phrase for some sexual maneuver). we didn't get to 'the range' (i can talk gun talk now) during this trip to the states, but next time we're going and taking jeff with us (and i'm going to try really hard not to shoot him accidentally). 

dazzling deb and uncle willy (centex only hired really good-looking people):

today i wiled away the afternoon at the "o t tavern" where the pulchritudinous rachel tends bar (look at me using really big words). rachel is the soon-to-be famous chicago actress who (or is it whom?) i saw (making out with a guy) in a play last week. picture as promised (of rachel shaking her, um, jigger-thingie):

i was joined for cocktails by joost, heidi and suzan -- drinking in the afternoon is fun for adults! (i use that term loosely):

kids too! t-man and carey-girl (whose cat is an attorney):

this evening i had dinner (at "fireside pies" - yum!) with some girls i worked with about 20 years ago (when i was 10). we worked for an advertising agency (that no longer exists) and hawked 'wolfbrand chili' at what used to be known as 'starplex'. we did other stuff too, but that was the gist of it -- selling chili.

lisa the lovely and mary, who is now a broker (or is it day trader?) and who is making money at home while lounging in her pajamas (i totally made that part up):

seems like all i do is eat while i'm here in dallas; well, that, and consume calorie-free alcohol.

ok; its late and i need to take an ambien, try to sleep, then take another ambien in an hour.

two days till dallas departure.

xo,

temporary texas tricia

motb

today i went wedding gown shopping with the lovely audrey. its very surreal to be doing this, cause even though i'm kind of an old woman now, there are times i feel like i'm too young to have a child who is getting married. audrey and juan's wedding is not going to be a major formal affair, so we weren't looking for the 'big, white dress' (something shorter and more retro). but once you're in those bridal stores, its hard not to get sucked into all that tulle and satin. i even talked her into trying on one of the cinderella gowns and she agreed it was stunning. i wanted to just buy one to have at home, you know, in case i want to put it on and lie around on the chaise like a princess or something.

here's what we bought - its being shortened to right about knee length (juan -- i don't think you read my blog, but if you do, stop right here cause you're not supposed to see this yet):

the pictures don't do this dress justice -- its absolutely stunning (especially on audrey). and the belt is not part of the dress, but it was a MAGIC belt. the girl helping us added the belt to about half of the dresses and it practically transformed them. audrey is the tiniest little thing and this dress makes her look like she needs a bigger butt (i totally mean this in a good way). truly, once she tried this one on, we had trouble finding anything else that came close.

as i mentioned in my last post, yesterday i got 'cultured up' at two live stage productions. the first was a children's theater matinee with the captivating 8-year-olds, jude and zoe pryor. jude was hysterical as a very southern security guard and zoe (in the gold sequins) was relentlessly charming as 'artemis the goddess of the hunt'. a very professional and entertaining performance for the twins.

and last night i saw "seven's a crowd" starring the beguiling rachel brownjohn (who made out with some dude on-stage, right there in front of her dad and everything). i forgot to take pics, but will post a pic of talented rachel before i depart the lone star state.

and now for my stupid commentary on pop-culture:

1) something is really wrong with the moms on "toddler's & tiaras" -- i'm just saying.
2) tiger who? what a moron. retire from swinging the 5 iron. you suck now.
3) what is with the obsession with giant, fat eyelashes? i'm gonna make a new mascara and call it 'extremely obese, high-blood-pressure lash'. i bet no-one will buy it.
4) reality tv has gotten out of hand - there is a new show called "hillbilly handfishing" where people (rednecks) catch catfish by putting their hand in murky lake water and shoving it in the mouth of an unsuspecting fish. what they do after that is anybody's guess.
5) um, i got nothing else that's even remotely amusing. i was trying to come up with 5, but the ambien is kicking in.

count-down to dallas departure - 5 days left y'all. i miss my husband (his name is jeff, i think).

tomorrow, i promise to be funny, witty, unexpected and engaging.

tricia

good dental hygiene

my vet told me the dogs would live longer if i started brushing their teeth. personally, i don't want them to live any longer than they normally would, but figured it wouldn't hurt if their breath didn't smell like ass (or in lindy's case - cat pooh), so i broke out the roasted chicken flavored tootpaste this morning and went to work.

the other night i was driving home and saw the advertisement below on the back of a car (if any guys are reading this, you may need to go grab a glass of scotch, a cigar and a playboy in order to retain some of your testosterone):

"Celebrating the Change from Girlhood to Womanhood"

yes, there seems to be a small culture which has 'menarche parties' (or 'red parties') to celebrate this rite of passage. um, what? why? how do and when do men celebrate 'becoming a man'? gentlemen, i'd like to know what this entails - details please after finishing your cigar.

picked up my world traveller daughter from the airport on tuesday where we immediately converged on the nearest mexican food restaurant in order to have our random margarita fix. montreal apparently begets big smiles:

last night, i went to a divey bar with my emergency backup boyfriend and some girls that i graduated high school with; we all look exactly the same. we do, really:

emergency backup boyfriend:

today i'm going to immerse myself in culture by attending two plays. there will be pics, if i'm allowed to take them. and tomorrow - wedding dress shopping!

xoxoxo

tricia