Tuesday, April 19, 2011

dumb and dumber


i am unceasingly amazed at the efficiency of the bitch's (pic below) intestinal systems. how does any creature contain that much poop? when i'm carrying out my 2nd favorite activity - shoveling the dog's droppings from the back yard - both the blonde idiots have the uncanny ability to work up another one. it's as if they're saying: "hey, i just put that there! if you like this job so much, how about another pile to clean up?" apparently this is the way they show me their love. we had dogs as a kid, but i never remember my dad making the yard 'butt-bomb' free.




i have a suggestion for the military on how to torture people:  place them  in a cramped, narrow, rigid chair in a big metal tube with three screaming babies, 7 diaper changes and a mystical gas-passer for 15 or so hours. anyone would give up the microfilm or spy secrets after about two hours of this excruciating suffering.

yesterday i went to get a spray tan cause i'm a firm believer (not so much on the 'firm' part) that tan fat looks better than white fat. i think the golden, buffed 20-something bobble-head at palm beach tan bronzed me up (and not in a good way) a little too much. i believe it may look a tad fake. i'm a red-head and you don't see many of us gingers with skin the color of snookie. plus, when you have old lady knees like me, there are creases there that are missing their tan filler. so i have little white lines in my knee wrinkles. VERY attractive (sorry; no pictures this time).

last night in a desperate attempt to imbibe of a cheap pinot grigio, heidi, richard and i broke the bottle three separate times in an effort to get it open. apparently, 'the rabbit' corkscrew doesn't know its own strength.


brutes:

alright, i have to go be productive; lowe's arrived with my metal shelving units and i need to go attack the garage.

love and artificial golden-skinned hugs,

tricia

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